A hopeless kind of post

She said she didn't want to start anything. She said she didn't want to get into this, because she was getting engaged within the next one year. She owes it to her mum. She tried "love", and failed. This time around, she will do what her mum asks of her. And that's all there was to it.

Except you wanted her to take a chance on you. The first thing you said was "Get engaged to me". Which was simply ridiculous. You're twenty three. You aren't done with your degree. Infact, you have a lot of time left on your degree. Your parents would throw you out, she said. Atleast, most parents would, if faced with such a situation. You said she shouldn't underestimate your parents. She said she didn't know you well enough. You said she was willing to get engaged to whomever, in an arranged marriage. What was the difference?

She said no. But it didn't stop there. Over the next few months, you got to know each other better. She realized falling in love was very much possible. And you were[/are] so good: Good to her; good for her.

And so it started. And it's been fantastic so far. There's a lot of laughter, and just the right number of clashes. There's enough in common, and ample differences. The plans you're making, the dreams you're dreaming, the life you're envisioning: it's all good.

Except, when she looks back now, she sees the pattern. It all comes back to "someday"s, doesn't it? Life is, once again, a string of somedays. You can keep adding to it, but there'll never be a surety, a guarantee, that any of it will ever happen. You can back out -fall out of love, cave under family pressure, or simply decide it's not worth it after all- and break off these delicate ties. Or it may be any of the countless "external" factors.

The foremost being the fact that your degree is incomplete, and everything just comes back to it. If you finish in time, it may work out. If it doesn't, those "somedays" do not stand a chance.

So she prays. Because there isn't much else she can do. If she nags you to study, well, everyone hates nagging. And then, it feels as if she's pressurizing you to do something. Pressurizing you to study so you can marry her. She comes off as desperate. And selfish. And no woman wants that. We want to be wooed, to be courted. Not to feel as if we're trapping you in a marriage you're doing your utmost to avoid. We want you to do the running after. The get-down-on-your-knees-and-ask-me-to-marry-you, not put-on-a-long-suffering-face-and-agree-only-because-now-I'm-threatening-to-leave. We HATE that.

So she's distancing herself. Or atleast she's been trying to. In little ways, because it's difficult for her too. She's trying to do what is intelligent. She's distancing herself, not letting either of you get too involved. I can see this because I know both of you.

I think she thinks it's not going to work out.

That's another string of "Someday"s that will never be.
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Phir waz[a]e ihtiaat se dhundla gai nazar
Phir zabt-e aarzoo se bada'n tootna'y laga