Healing

After all that happened in the last three months, everything I went through, I'm finally healing now. I can tell.

This birthday was different in so many ways. I was at LUMS for the Young Leaders Entrepreneurial Summit. Away from my mum and my friends, I thought I'd be very depressed. But that's not how it worked out.

This one week away from home, surrounded by strangers, I became myself again. I laughed and I cried, I did all sorts of crazy things, and I enjoyed every single moment. No one knew me, no one knew who I was or what I had been through. So they took me at face value. And I could be who I wanted to be. Young and carefree. Not the steady, responsible one.

I have so much to be thankful for. So what if life changed. So what if some of those dreams can not come through. I have a lot to live for. I made so many new friends. I presented, and thrived on the praise I received for my work. I loved every single moment of it. I felt alive.

I realized that "us" did not define "me". I can still be whoever I want to be. I can still be more than a failed relationship.

I also realized that I have the best, most supportive friends ever. They gave me one surprise after the other, making my birthday truly memorable. And when I cried, they hugged me close, and made me laugh again.

On one of those long crazy walks back to the girls hostel, through the thick fog in the middle of the night, I believe I finally let go.

Quotes I love from Mr. Magorian's Wonder Emporium

Mr. Edward Magorium: I've hired an accountant.
Molly Mahoney: A what?
Mr. Edward Magorium: An accountant. According to the word, it must be a cross between a counter and a mutant and that may be precisely what we need.
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Molly Mahoney: Are you dying?
Mr. Edward Magorium: Light bulbs die, my sweet. I will depart.
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Henry Weston: When you say magical, do you mean special?
Molly Mahoney: Magical.
Henry Weston: What about... really really cool?
Molly Mahoney: MAGICAL!
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Mr. Edward Magorium: Mortamer fetch.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Stupid zebra.
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Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin.
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Mr. Edward Magorium: Unlikely adventures require unlikely tools.
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Molly Mahoney: So, did you get any friends at camp?
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: Yeah... um... Jeff.
Molly Mahoney: Is Jeff real?
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: Yeah... sure.
Molly Mahoney: Is he an animal?
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: He was a squirrel.
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Mr. Edward Magorium: Name the Fibonacci series from its eleventh to its sixteenth.
Henry Weston: Umm... 89, 144, 233, 377, 610?
Mr. Edward Magorium: Perfect. Number four, do we really need it?
Henry Weston: If you like squares - you do.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Oh, I like squares. Good. Now, the hot dog, the hot dog/bun ratio, why for the love of mustard are there never enough buns?
Henry Weston: Extra hot dogs...
Mr. Edward Magorium: Yes, but why?
Henry Weston: In case you drop a couple.
Mr. Edward Magorium: What kind of insufferable fool drops a hot dog?
Henry Weston: Anything can happen, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Anything can happen. How absolutely true. You're exactly the mutant I'm looking for! You're hired.
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Molly Mahoney: Sir...
Mr. Edward Magorium: Don't you agree, Mahoney?
Molly Mahoney: Um, not exactly, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Perfect!
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Mr. Edward Magorium: I've been inventing toys since the 1770's.
Henry Weston: What, excuse me...
Mr. Edward Magorium: Yes?
Henry Weston: You say 1770's?
Mr. Edward Magorium: Yes, sir, so you can imagine accounting is a brand new concept to me.
Henry Weston: You know, that would make you at least 240 years old, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: You're already hired, mutant, there's no need to show off.
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Molly Mahoney: You're here?
Henry Weston: Apparently.
Molly Mahoney: But not actually?
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Molly Mahoney: He's 242 years old and...
Mr. Edward Magorium: I am not 242! I'm 243! You were at my birthday party. You brought me balloons.
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Mr. Edward Magorium: 37 seconds.
Molly Mahoney: Great. Well done. Now we wait.
Mr. Edward Magorium: No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.
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Mr. Edward Magorium: Most of these are important papers...and some of them might be doodles I never had framed...I can't tell the difference in them.
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Mr. Edward Magorium: A stroke, you unbrookable ninny. The only stroke I have ever had is one of genius.
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Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: [while narrating] What Mahoney needed was the opportunity to prove to herself that she was something more than she believed.



I'm sure you can tell, I <3 the movie.

"He dies"

Mr. Edward Magorium: [to Molly, about dying] When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.
[pause, walks over to Molly]
Mr. Edward Magorium: I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Mr. Edward Magorium: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

Once.

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do you?
But remember when I moved in you
And the holly dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Maybe there's a god above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Jumping "out of" love.

Do people fall out of love?

Apparently, yes.

Without any fights or arguments to sour relationships, with no mistrust or misunderstanding to severe ties. Not even an "other woman" to entice you away.

You "fell out of" love.

*cue for applause* [this is an angry post]

I begged you to tell me where I went wrong. I promised to adhere to all your wishes. I apologized for what ever my mistakes were.

I begged you to stay.

I reminded you of all your promises. I reminded you of all that you pledged. I bade you to think of me just a little.

I begged you to stay.

But you'd fallen out of love. "It's not your fault. It's my heart."

Quietly, without so much as a whisper, a splash, your heart fell out of love.

You could've told me. We could've jumped out together. I wouldn't have drowned in there alone.

Jinhein jurm-e ishq pe naaz tha, woh gunahgaar chalay gaey.

My favorite "Milli Naghma"

Aey watan hum hain teri sham'ma ke parvano'n main
Zindagi hosh main hai josh hai imano'n main!

Dil le ushaak ki maanind ye taptay maidan
Ye lachaktay huey jungle yee phiraktay armaan!
Ye paharo'n ki ghataon main jawani ki uthaan,
Ye machaltay huey daryaon main angrai ki shaan!
Kitnay roshan hain diey teray shabistaano'n main!

Teray mazdoor ki ankhon k shararay le ker,
Teray dehkan k mathay k sitaray le ker
Chandni boe'ein ge jhulsay huey maidaan'on main!

Hum tujhe aag ka daria nahin ban'nay dein ge
Tujhe nafrat ka tamasha nahin ban'nay dein ge!
Tujhe ko paa lein ge...
Tujh ko paa lein ge Mohabbat k gulistaano'n main!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6t7zHEB2Tc8&feature=related

Mourning Spring

Lo suuni gayi hamari, yun phirey hain din ki phir sey
Wohi goshaa-e-kafas hai, wahi fasl-e-gul kaa maatam


Yeh ajab kayamaten hain, teri rehguzar mey guzraan
Na hua ke mar mitey hum, na hua ke jii utthey hum

Remembering Spring 2007.

Hona hi tha jo hua hai...

"Kal Ho Na Ho" sad version ALWAYS makes me cry.

Perhaps it always will.

Whattay loser, haina na? =D

Choices

There's always a choice.

Every morning, when we get out of bed to start a new day, we're making a choice.

Every breath we take, every minute that we do not throw ourselves down a flight of stairs, it's a conscious decision to live.

I abhor people who go through life blaming life for every road they take. The times when we feel we do not have a choice, is when the choices are the most difficult. But they are still there. We're never helpless, because God gave us free will.

The qismet and naseeb we talk about, our fate, that's what governs the quality of choices we're faced with, the alternative roads we can decide to go down.

But the will, the decision, is always our own.

I have a friend who is faced with difficult choices. One road leads to what her heart desires. The other to what her mind dictates.

The road towards her hearts desire is rocky, strewn with hardships. Her life will be difficult. She will have to change completely, forget who she used to be. No one around her will support this decision. And after all that, in the end, the destination might not turn out to be what she expected. Because the only thing we can ever be sure of is that people change.

The road that practicality would support, is an easy life. It seems that everything she ever wanted, she would get down that road. Material things, as well as the love and support of all her loved ones.

So this is what I have to say, A:

It's your decision, it will always be your choice. If you decide to choose the second, and even if you do it to please your family, don't blame any one else for it later on. Decide that you will not spend your life with "what if"s. Understand that you need to fear nothing, because this will not be the end of the world, or the end of hapiness. There's a life time to live, still, and hundreds of choices to make, and millions of ways to reach self actualization.

Whichever road you choose, give it your hundred percent.

Because you deserve that. And because life deserves as much.

I will not text you again

"I wonder if you'll ever come back to me. I feel like a loser even texting you this. But oh well, right? =]"




"It's been three months. Move on?"




Na gai, tairi bayrukhi na gai
Hum teri aarzoo bhi kho baithay.