7/06/07

There are gifts of many treasures,
For both the young and old,
From the tiniest little trinkets,
To great boxes filled with gold.

But, put them all together,
And they could not stand in lieu,
Of the greatest gift of all,
The gift of knowing you

When your times are filled with troubles,
Sadness, grief, or even doubt,
When all those things you planned on,
Just aren't turning out.

Just turn and look behind you,
From the place at which you stand,
And look for me through the shadows
And reach out for my hand.

I will lift from you your burden,
And cry for you your tears,
Bear the pain of all your sorrows,
Though it may be for a thousand years.

For in the end I would be happy,
To have helped you start anew,
It's a small price to pay,
For the gift of knowing you.


Was it really?

Shaam Dhallay

Aaj tanhai kisi humdum'e deirien ki tarah

Karnay aai hai meri saaki qari shaam dhallay

Muntazir baithay hain hum dono ke mahtaab ubhray

Aur tera aks jhalaknay lagay har saaey ta'lay...

I played hundreds of games of solitaire, because I could not sleep. I could deal with the days. I could deal with the worries and the self doubt and the pity - I could survive the days. It's the nights that I couldn't get through. 

At night, when the world is quite, silence pushes you to remember and analyze and think and question. The feeling of loss is intensified by solitude. In the dark, my present melts away to leave only static, and pieces of the past. The future mocks me. I am not so sure of myself in this dark, not as certain of my fate. I miss you.    

Loneliness, like a companion of old

Visits me, as the sun sets, to pour my wine; 

We sit together, waiting for the moon to rise 
And for your image to reflect in every shadow

                                                                                                                             Faiz Ahmed Faiz

Infinite.

For ever and ever, we say when we're young, or in our prayers. Twice we say it. Old One, do we not? For ever and ever... so that a thing may be for ever, a life or a love or a quest, and yet begin again, and be for ever just as before. And any ending that may seem to come is not an ending but an illusion. For Time does not die, Time has neither beginning nor an end, and so nothing can end or die that has once had a place in Time.

- Susan Cooper

Youth

Catching your eye, falling in love,

Holding your heart, moving apart;

Violins for love, soft and blue

Drums of loss, loud but true

Questions, hope, regrets and mistakes

The willingness to put it all at stake

Over and over and over again.

MT - Nov 2013

Aao ke karein bazm pe zar zakhm numaaya'n

Charcha hai bohat baysar'o samaan'iey dil ka

My favorite time to blog...

... is right before an exam or a test.

Loneliness petrifies me

 

Jab teri samander aankh'on main

Iss shaam ka sooraj doobay ga

Sukh so'ein ge ghar darr waalay

Aur raahi apni rah le ga

Aur raahi apni raah le ga...

Questions and Answers

These two years could be very good for me.

For the last twenty-four years I've loved at home: close to all the people I love, surrounded by my family, supported by my friends. I have lived a very busy, full and amazingly satisfying life, accomplishing a lot. But the journey has not been mine alone. In fact, I'm almost unapologetically dependent on my support group, nearly bordering on neediness. Does it help that I recognize it? Maybe. Maybe not.

When mom pushed me to apply for the Fulbright she wanted me to get an opportunity to 'see the world': see places I may never be able to see otherwise, experience the life I will not be able to experience once 'real life', with all its complications and restrains, started - job, marriage, babies, all that jazz. If it were up to me, I would probably never have applied, which just highlights how complacent I was, cosy in my comfort zone.  

Now that I'm out of my own little ecosystem, though, it's not just the world that I'm seeing, but myself too. It's a brand new start, a completely different dynamic, light years away from my real life. Sometimes I feel like a silent spectator, watching myself navigate through this strange and unfamiliar world. I'm free of my past and no one, including myself, knows the future. All I have to account for is my present. I can see myself act and react, and watch as I form tremulous new relationships and establish links with people I could never have imagined meeting. My every action can be, and is, questioned by these strangerfriends who are just getting to know who I am. And sometimes this leads to me questioning myself.

Have you ever wondered:

Why you are who you are

Why you do what you do

Who you want to be

What you want to do

Where you want to go

How can you get there

I wonder every day, and every day I find new answers.

It's a painful process. It's absolutely wonderful.