These two years could be very good for me.
For the last twenty-four years I've loved at home: close to all the people I love, surrounded by my family, supported by my friends. I have lived a very busy, full and amazingly satisfying life, accomplishing a lot. But the journey has not been mine alone. In fact, I'm almost unapologetically dependent on my support group, nearly bordering on neediness. Does it help that I recognize it? Maybe. Maybe not.
When mom pushed me to apply for the Fulbright she wanted me to get an opportunity to 'see the world': see places I may never be able to see otherwise, experience the life I will not be able to experience once 'real life', with all its complications and restrains, started - job, marriage, babies, all that jazz. If it were up to me, I would probably never have applied, which just highlights how complacent I was, cosy in my comfort zone.
Now that I'm out of my own little ecosystem, though, it's not just the world that I'm seeing, but myself too. It's a brand new start, a completely different dynamic, light years away from my real life. Sometimes I feel like a silent spectator, watching myself navigate through this strange and unfamiliar world. I'm free of my past and no one, including myself, knows the future. All I have to account for is my present. I can see myself act and react, and watch as I form tremulous new relationships and establish links with people I could never have imagined meeting. My every action can be, and is, questioned by these strangerfriends who are just getting to know who I am. And sometimes this leads to me questioning myself.
Have you ever wondered:
Why you are who you are
Why you do what you do
Who you want to be
What you want to do
Where you want to go
How can you get there
I wonder every day, and every day I find new answers.
It's a painful process. It's absolutely wonderful.
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