She's like a zombie.
She smiles, but she doesn't mean it. She goes about life, but she's not really there. Nothing interests her. There's no one she cares about any more. She just wants to run away, fly away somewhere where none of these people who profess to love her can follow.
Away from the plans and dreams they're dreaming for her. Away from the people who took away her right to decide for herself; her will.
It's what happens to a lot of women. But I've never seen it upclose before. I've never seen someone I love go through this.
This is not a love marriage/arranged marriage debate. This has nothing to do with parents wanting the best for their children. I don't negate that. But sometimes parents are too blinded by their own righteousness to see what's under their own noses.
There's nothing wrong with this guy. There's nothing wrong with his family. Except he's not who she wants. This isn't the life she wants to live.
And she's trying, but she isn't able to accept him. She cried, she begged, she rationalized, she argued; They didn't listen. They quickly got the nikah done, fearful of her rebellion. Took her on an umrah, with the whole family, and surprised her with nikah plans at the house of God. "You're so lucky", they gushed, "only the khushnaseeb get such an opportunity!".
We're all trying to make her comfortable with this new life of hers. The wedding is within six months. The guy wants to talk to her, the families push them together, try to coerce her into going out with him. She can't bring herself to. It's as if her heart shut down.
We lecture her, we patronize her, we hold her close and soothe her; we tell her this is it: this is how life will be, she has to accept it somehow, so she can move on. Her parents call us up, ask us to "talk some sense into her". "This is her life; she has to marry him, whether she likes it or not!", they declare, "it would be better if she just understands that. She's ruining her life!"
She's ruining her life?
Dig a hole, throw me in, and then demand I make myself comfortable. Accept my fate. Because otherwise I am ruining my life.
We're making plans for her wedding. What will we wear, what will we dance to. She sits there, quiet. Angry, sad, but silent.
My heart hurts when I think of what she has to go through.
She smiles, but she doesn't mean it. She goes about life, but she's not really there. Nothing interests her. There's no one she cares about any more. She just wants to run away, fly away somewhere where none of these people who profess to love her can follow.
Away from the plans and dreams they're dreaming for her. Away from the people who took away her right to decide for herself; her will.
It's what happens to a lot of women. But I've never seen it upclose before. I've never seen someone I love go through this.
This is not a love marriage/arranged marriage debate. This has nothing to do with parents wanting the best for their children. I don't negate that. But sometimes parents are too blinded by their own righteousness to see what's under their own noses.
There's nothing wrong with this guy. There's nothing wrong with his family. Except he's not who she wants. This isn't the life she wants to live.
And she's trying, but she isn't able to accept him. She cried, she begged, she rationalized, she argued; They didn't listen. They quickly got the nikah done, fearful of her rebellion. Took her on an umrah, with the whole family, and surprised her with nikah plans at the house of God. "You're so lucky", they gushed, "only the khushnaseeb get such an opportunity!".
We're all trying to make her comfortable with this new life of hers. The wedding is within six months. The guy wants to talk to her, the families push them together, try to coerce her into going out with him. She can't bring herself to. It's as if her heart shut down.
We lecture her, we patronize her, we hold her close and soothe her; we tell her this is it: this is how life will be, she has to accept it somehow, so she can move on. Her parents call us up, ask us to "talk some sense into her". "This is her life; she has to marry him, whether she likes it or not!", they declare, "it would be better if she just understands that. She's ruining her life!"
She's ruining her life?
Dig a hole, throw me in, and then demand I make myself comfortable. Accept my fate. Because otherwise I am ruining my life.
We're making plans for her wedding. What will we wear, what will we dance to. She sits there, quiet. Angry, sad, but silent.
My heart hurts when I think of what she has to go through.
"If, Allah na karay, you're ever at the point in life where I stand today, know that I'll be there to hold you, and to give you whatever comfort I can. If you're ever at this painful juncture, know that I'll understand what you're going through, and you won't be alone" she wrote.
Tum nahaq tukrey chun chun kar
Daaman mein chupaaye bethey ho
Sheeshon ka maseeha koi nahi...
Kya aas lagaye bethey ho?
10 comments:
does she know why doesn't she want that person? does she know what kind of life she wants instead or is it just this that she doesn't want and if so then why? have you asked these questions from her?
Basically, she liked someone else. But even if she can't have that person, this guy is her first cousin. As an older first cousin, he was always "... bhai". She just is not able to accept him in his new position.
Her younger sister is to be wed to this guys younger brother. They're happily in love. This was another pressure: if she was volubly against this guy, they would not have asked for the younger sister for the younger brother. Her parents don't want to end it because they don't want to end their family terms.
So she was the sacrificial lamb.
:/
I wish her happiness. :)
Stuff like this happens in my village a lot. Whenever the elders get together, they just make new couples in family. Bleh.
There's a couple of 2 year olds. :/
I hope everything works out for her. :]
These things happen in rural areas a lot. But you would not expect it to happen in a highly modern, very well educated family in Islamabad, would you?
I know I didn't.
We're all praying for her. =]
and do her parents know about this other guy? See if u start to think from their perspective you will realize that for them they r doing everything right, i mean all the parents consider it a big responsibility to find their children the best life partners possible and its a big worry for them as well because there are so many things they have to be careful about, now here as u said there is nothing wrong with this guy, cousin marriages are still common in our society, they don't have to worry about knowing the guy's family background, i mean for them sooner or later they have to get their daughter married to someone then why not now and why not this guy, probably they are not agreeing because they are not seeing any solid reason to do otherwise(i.e. if they don't know about this other guy), and then it also ensures that her sister gets married to the guy she likes and the family stays together as well,
It's easy to be logical when it's not your life being decided. =]
There are some people you can not connect to. For absolutely no good reason. Getting married entails a lot, you know, it's not just the wedding to get through.
You can jump from the fourth stair. But you'll be angry if someone pushed you from one.
*sigh*
oh no...i am not taking sides here...i am really saddened myself and that is why i am just trying to understand what is actually going on on both sides...and what is everyone feeling and thinking and why? because to understand a problem you should try to understand the perspectives of both sides shouldn't you? i just explained what one side might be thinking and feeling and you did the same about the other!n i can imagine how hard it is.... I hope God does what's best for all of them, especially for her! Ameen
Any chance, you know a certain Sachal Afraz?
Nope. =]
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